Health update

Dear Friend of Sanity,

I last wrote to you a month ago, at the start of an episode of illness. Today I am reaching out with the unfortunate update that its grip over me is still strong, and I am still struggling to get back to my routine.

Sanity turns 5 this year. I had made plans to celebrate this landmark with you all. Instead, I find my days revolving around blister packs of new pills, coping with new side effects, and succumbing exhausted to the magnetic pull of my bed.

Someone once said that writing a solo newsletter is like running on a treadmill without a power-off button. As one of my longest-standing readers reminded me, I have been working on Sanity non-stop since the pandemic. Of course, I knew this as a vague fact in my head. But when someone else put it in those words, it hit me hard. Five years is a long time. I have often faltered at looking after myself and taking proper breaks, even when on the brink of burnout. Giving myself permission to rest without guilt has been a perpetual battle. In this I have failed to model the right behaviour, an embarrassing lapse for a mental health writer. That's perhaps one reason this unprecedented break has been thrust on me.

What is the path forward for me and this newsletter? As always, I will be transparent with you: At the moment I am barely hanging in. My priority right now, as many of you have reminded me, has to be to recover. I owe it to myself, my family, and all of you to beat back this illness. This is the most stubborn bout I have confronted in 8 years; it ain't ceding ground easily. I aim to be back in your inbox in hopefully a few more weeks.

To my old readers: Thank you for being my pillars during this difficult time. I have been so moved by all the messages you have sent me, your reassurance that you'll be here when I come back.

To my newer readers: Thank you for being here, and my apologies for not being able to create new work at this time. Sanity has a library of over 200 posts, most of them evergreen. I hope this will be enough to fill your time until I return.

I am sorry I couldn't reply to each one of you who wrote to me (another first because usually I write back to everyone), but do know I have read every word.

Finally – it took me a week to find the courage and energy to put together this letter to you. I am relieved I did.

Until next time, with my best wishes,
Tanmoy